Bottleneck to Jesus

Alone

2008-11-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

Alone or Lonely, I am pretty sure everyone knows this word quite well. I don't know why this word has sprung into my life. Sometimes I think that the word or feeling is the word "meaningless." I will stick with Lonely for now. I was thinking about why God made us to eat food and get energy this way. As most of you know I have had a weird food thing for the past few years and my perspective on the subject has been quite skewed. Through a partial Revelation yesterday I think I truly understand a few very positive aspects of working for food and having to eat as often as we do. I really struggled with why God created us this way and in part still do. Questions like, why did God design us to grow the way we do? Why all the eating and processing? Why couldn't we just drink water or some thing like water that has everything in it that we need to grow? It would be abundant and easy to store and maybe only drink like once a day. Eating really is so time consuming. Then I came to feeling alone, or lonely. I thought if I could survive without food I could just go read and sleep and read and sleep or travel and sleep. Or I could just work on a project without interruption. I imagine a painter who doesn't have to put down his brush to go to the bathroom or fill is stomach. I imagine how much work he could get done and how.... you could get to a place where you are completely... and utterly....alone. Eating food keeps us together and in relationships. Working for our food provides even more relationships. If I were a farmer who sold goods from my farm. I would have to be unified enough with people and understanding enough to make the exchanges for money or other goods. It would cause me to get out, to interact with people and to join in community. Most jobs are like this and they teach us patients, love, and respect. As an artist I want to spend a lot of time alone making masterpiece after masterpiece but then I miss the very thing that I am making the masterpiece for. People, Relationships, community, they are all driven by Gods divine design of eating and growing. If it were not for this we would surely be alone. I think of times when I was a kid and I was bad and sent to my room. Heck I could have stayed in their forever if I had my magic nutrient drinking tap water but, I had to eat. Even now in this day and age I have to go to places that have food and mildly interact with people enough that I am on the shallowest level in community with them but I also have to be skilled enough socially to stay employed. I am convinced the community is balance from the need to work for food.

I can't help noticing all of the good things that God has created that I can't see. I drive around constantly alone especially on lunch and I have to remind myself that I am not alone even with cars and people walking everywhere. I have to think of my little pretend satellite that sees the world and its massiveness from a different perspective. Before, I used to feel so detached and alone and confused. Since Jesus came into my life I no longer feel empty emotion of loneliness. I am technically, physically alone but, I know God is there and always has been .
Now when I sin I feel alone, or separated from Jesus as if I was playing a video game and I was near the end and my sin my imperfection caused me to fall back a few levels further away from the end where Jesus is. This is bad theology because you are never alone and we don't get to have a relationship with God because of something we do but sometimes it feels that way.

My feeling of loneliness is usually like I said before accompanied by a feeling of guilt for a particular sin. In my mind the only way to not feel that way is to be forgiven by God repent of your sin and feel the affects of forgiveness wash away the loneliness. This loneliness leads us to Jesus and thanks to our Dads design we join in community with him and with others and feel that unconditional love we so long for.

Law

2008-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

We constantly drive around thinking that the rules of the road are acceptable and when we get into an accident we go through the hassle and haggle of trying to justify what happened and if it comes down to it we go to court and there we stand and the judge listens to our case and gives the verdict. It seems to me like we accept the rules given by our government but when it comes down to Gods rules and commands we seem to think that no one is looking.

Slowly but surely I have found Gods Law to be perfect but not from some wise person telling me but from my own arrogant approach of trail and error. If you tell someone the ten commandments supposedly the laws are written on their hearts, and when they hear it they will feel convicted. But is that the Goal to make a person feel convicted, probably not. I noticed that it is very unencouraging when a person just tells you what you are doing wrong most people are well aware but if they are not the laws are a good place to start. Although it may be loving in a tough love way it seems to get me down and get me trapped in all the things I do wrong which when boiled down to where my heart is at, is almost always. I was told to do what other people have done to me that I liked. I like it when people don't constantly strike me with criticism and do the opposite the accept me and encourage the things that I do that are good. This I like. I was once told that if something is good then pay attention to it, later I found out that it was from the Bible Philippians 4:8. Gods law is good in fact its too good, I think that's the point, no one can fallow his laws, especially in their heart Jesus tells us. Ever since I read in proverbs where it says meditate on the law day and night I have been trying to think about where my heart is according to the law day and night and surprisingly its not where I think it could be. I have beat myself up for this but some wise folk that I know reminded me that we can not keep the laws they are too perfect too good that is why we need Jesus and the holy spirit Prayer and Worship to help aim us toward perfection and walk on a desirable path. When I meditate on the laws they can get me down and then the new covenant that Jesus calls us to be in is even more difficult because it is not only our actions but our hearts. I heard a preacher once say that if you look at the 10 commandments you will basically be looking at the new covenant, the old law was perfect back then, Jesus came to fulfill the law not make new laws like the Pharisees. The new covenant is the same just without needing to sacrifice animals for our sins since Jesus came as the supreme sacrifice. Gods law is good and therefore worth looking at day and night like King David said. What comes from the heart goes to the heart and I think his Son was given to us from his heart so he could be in ours. I think if you ask anyone if they can claim they have kept all of the 10 commandments they will surly say no if you ask a Christian I think they would say i am trying with Gods help. Ultimately the law pushes us back into the boundary of freedom that god ordained for us to exist in. When we disobey the law we get a ticket and go to court and when found guilty, pay the consequences and repent or change and go back to not breaking the law. The Law Moses delivered is even so perfect in every way every day I have noticed meditating on it that it is the biggest push for me to understand God with all of my heart mind and and soul because his love for you and me is so perfect and so huge that it keeps me consistently in awe and baffled how good it really is. Every Christian is a hypocrite not a single one of them can keep the laws that is why we hang so close to our faith in Jesus. In this massive croud of people we find ourselves without direction, seeking direction by fallowing the law or covenant leads us to Jesus and then he helps us find our safe boundary of true freedom that God has made for us in our fallen condition.

Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
- Sidney J. Harris

Consequence

2008-03-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

Con se quence
1.the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier: The accident was the consequence of reckless driving.

I have had trouble with my words lately but this one seems to be at the top of the list. God does not promise that he will take away the consequence of our sins he just says that he will forgive them. This is a very hard truth for me to swallow. I have been thinking about it for many days now. Over and over I keep thinking why won't God take away the consequence as well? If I truly am sorry and I truly repent, I feel the peace of the forgiveness of sin and then in some form or another I have to get ready for the consequence. It is interesting how God uses these consequences justly and perfectly to bring us back into relationship with him. For example if you sin and ask for forgiveness repent and then become sick because of the particular sin then you seek God to save you from suffering. Suffering is looked at by authors like Paul as an accomplishment. Its weird but I can see how Getting through a time of suffering caused by a consequence could feel like an accomplishment because now you will be closer to God. Yet that does not mean go out and sin and you will get closer to God. I have realized that I have committed every sin out there at least in my heart. Now it seems like it is a slow processes of figuring out what sins I have committed or what sins I am committing and repenting and then, going through the suffering of the consequence thus bringing me to my knees and bringing me closer to God by depending on him through the suffering. We can all chose to end the suffering in some instances or prolong it but I think a way to really mature in our faith is to face the suffering head on as if it were the race and at the end there is feeling of an accomplishment. This is one of the Biggest Bottlenecks to Jesus I have found yet.

Acceptance

2007-10-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

This has been a very important word lately. It is so amazing how we have this pull for acceptance towards God and towards people. You can almost trace your friends and your families passions and interests to certain family members especially Men and Dads. No doubt the Mothers have a massive equal influence but it seems to me that more often than not Moms are supportive and they don't push us in to specific corners as much as fathers do. I could be wrong but women are much more supportive and forgiving and there for the sense of Acceptance seems easier to attain, where as with Fathers they seem to be a little more goal oriented as men are and therefore more directional in areas of Acceptance. Not a father I can not accurately state what I feel but this is what I see and think when I look out to the world. Its interesting to explore all of the different aspects of this whole thing and how even later on with every relationship including God. How do you know you are accepted by God? How do you know what you are doing is acceptable? Typically we see God as we knew our fathers to be, and then somehow transition to fully believing God is our true creator and father. Yes in the Bible it tells us what a sin is and once our sins are forgiven then we still seek the acceptance and approval for what we do in life. I hear pastors talk about how one of the most common questions asked is "what should I do for a Job" we want what we do to be acceptable to God. I think Typically we make x amount of money and our friends and family praise us and Accept us but is this really acceptable from God? I think ultimately no matter who you are you want that Acceptance from your peers and from your family and closest loves ones, it is hard to understand that from God but when you do something that feels so right to do and then you see the abundance of "good fruit" from it then it feels like there is a divine acceptance along with joy and a peace at heart. We seem to be in this life of trial and error, acceptable to people but not by God and vise versa. This is confusing cause you may think the good fruit of the situation is whether it is number of children you have or how massive your bank account is or how many gardens you have. But I think the real treasures are unseen and that stuff is very much a part of this world I think Joel Olsteen would say you have been blessed. And sure it might feel like a blessing at first but many of the tangible things in this world can draw you away from God. I like to ask myself am I doing what I am doing because all of these people accept me this way and therefore it is comfortable. I don't know I really don't but it is amazing to see all of the things people do and say just to get people to agree with them and gain some acceptance. I think everyone ends up wanting to understand how God accepts us and why. You can never seem to get enough from people. This seems like a never ending battle, maybe just for me but I think there are others out there who try to understand this acceptance that is just sitting there waiting for use to hold on to it.

Getting used to Grace

2007-10-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

This has been on my mind for some time now and I just listened to a Sermon that talks about character development with children. We think that we deserve Grace "anything given to you by God that you don't deserve." Pride says "I deserve ______" I get so used to people being graceful to me and around us that I start to take it for granted. This is always shown by the classic girl who is spoiled by Dady and she gets everything she wants. She is so used to her Dads graceful giving that she gets used to it and eventually feels like she deserves it. I think this is so apparent in the rich and poor extremes. With the poor beggars on the street, some think they deserve your money. They get so used to people graciously giving them their hard earned money that begin to feel like it is expected and eventually that they deserve it. The enemy is clever in this way of turning Grace in to Pride. Its so close to a good thing but just a little twisted. I think this is really relevant when People raise their children. Its a hard thing because you want to give your kids everything but you have to raise them in this world not in the garden I think if we were in the Garden that would be fine to give them everything but since they live in a world of sin ruled by the enemy you have to constantly remind them of what the difference is and raise them accordingly. I think God Raises us in this way but perfectly, not in the Garden but in this world, he even raises us knowing what sins we are more susceptible to than others and with those in mind he shows us the way. I think this is the reason life seems to find a new beginning because over and over again we find the Grace that we got use to, the grace we distorted and God revels it to us with a fresh new pair of eyes. But only after we come to him. The bottle neck here seems to be the constant attack of the idea that "I derserve ______ " this will only separate us. More later as this thought is still developing.

Get that Faith out of the way!

2007-09-25T17:24:00.001-07:00

To Be or Not to Be That is the question?

2007-09-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

Be on Purpose. New developing thought I will update soon.

Reassurance in God

2007-09-24T00:20:00.000-07:00

I think the ultimate reassurance comes from God but in no way that you can pin point and if you could you could never actually prove it was God. Hence, faith falls into place. This is somewhat frustrating at first because you never know if what you are experiencing is what everyone else is experiencing so time and time again we ask "is this so?" "Do you see me this way?" even if the person voiced exactly what you wanted you know deep down that they are only a person and can't truly define you because of their lack of perfection and cognitive knowledge of knowing how everyone in the world is compared to you. Please don't be confused with the context in which I am talking about here. I am talking about reassurance about something your are worried about. Not petty reassurance like "do I look good" or something trivial. More like sicknesses and personality types and who knows I have yet to discover all the ways this can manifest it self in a negative light. But it seems to be an issue of lack of faith and trust. I know many things come down to this but that is the bottleneck. If you do find out something is wrong maybe get second opinions not endless months of reassurance. I think bassed on the Linden method this is a very wise way to think and to live. Ultimately you can never get enough reassurance, so deep inside you must be selfishly seeking attention in some way that helps feed your thoughts about being insecure in some area in your life. I think I have found this to be an evil that can lead to many bad things and can only develop with many different fears, that could eventually turn into phobias and anxiety and eventually into depression. You would naturally think that telling people and getting this reassurance would be good and natural and I think it is, unless you take it to an extreme. So like anything else there is a balance and this balance is some how made by Gods divine abilities to communicate with us and set us back on track. Its funny when you think about a guy or a girl when they are trying to get to know each other and they both seek reassurance over and over and over again, its always annoying to the witnesses around but the individual just can't seem to feel the assurance. If you think about it you know people like this and you know or wish they would just believe and have faith that the other individual likes them and move on! instead of constantly seeking this reassurance. Reassurance seems to be a journey off the path out of the way to find knowledge which really isn't there. This, I am learning won't help you in faith or understanding. Thus we must trust and have Faith and find our reassurance in God.

Reassurance

2007-09-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Reassurance seems to be somewhat like an addiction to me. When I was younger I was always worried that I wasn't doing something right, especially in school. I remember my 7Th grade Science teacher taking me aside and telling me I worry to much. Over the years this only developed and has given me a driven motivation to to have knowledge. Unfortunately that worry led me down some bad paths and created some bad habits. We are to live by faith not by knowing, this is so important. I have to have faith that people love me I have to have faith that God knows what he is doing and is "All powerful". When I worry it is as if I am saying God doesn't have things in control it is a point of weakness in my faith. Reassurance plays a big role here because I have asked people and tried to relate to them with certain subjects so that I could feel reassured that this is the way life works and I find my answer and tell myself "I know" now I have knowledge of this now. Not to be confused with wisdom. Later that knowledge changed and I was back to square one trying to get reassurance for my new knowledge. This process is tiring and only leaves me with a broken and separated feeling from people because I can never get enough reassurance all I want is more, more more more. This loop of toil and pain and confusion leads me to faith. If I have faith that things work this way and that I mysteriously feel 100 percent reassured and the worry is gone the belief takes over and I think the truth in trust is righteous and good and so it takes over and washes the worries away, and that, brings us one step closer to Jesus.

BroKen

2007-09-16T04:55:00.002-07:00

This was My word a couple of weeks ago. Broken I don't know if I mentioned this already but I believe I learn things one word at a time. These words seem to envelop my mind while I am constant learning about my relationship to God and how he can speak to me so simply. In Beautiful Mind John Nash is Broken, he lets his mind take him to a place where he eventually is seeing fake people. It seems that if we don't get caught up in physical sinful pleasures and tangeble sinful pleasures it will go straight to our heads. Like Nash we all at some time let our brains go and let it control us. A wise guy once told me its like you have this barking dog in your head and you constantly have to keep telling him to sit and shut up or just ignore him. Nashe's eventual solution in the movie is to ignore those people in his head. In this program I am doing called the Linden Method, this is one of the 9 pillars that helps people reset their memory. The whole Idea of memory is so abundantly amazing to me because you can really cause some damage to yourself by doing something repetitively and making memories after memories, eventually creating bad "habits." You Break yourself and yes people influence you but you break yourself no one else. I have notice that a lot of frustrated and depressed people like heavy heavy metal music. I came across it the other day and something stuck me. I could not think at all there was so much noise that it completely took hold of my sub conscience and I was baffled at how clear my conscience was. No wonder so many guys listen to that at work it completely demoleshes the subconscious with Noise. I think if you let your subconscious go wandering around and not constantly keeping up on it it will take advantage of you and break you. It will manifest in some way weather it is how you feel or how you act or what you think about people and places. It will rule your life if you let it. I love this movie because he decides to fight his subconscious every day. We should all be doing this as well. Fight the good fight! More on this later.

2007-09-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

The soul purpose for this blog was inspired by a friend of mine "Shawn" encouraging me to write about my passion for what I like to call the Bottleneck to Jesus. Basically since I became a Christian all of my thoughts and perspectives have been transformed. There is a movie out called "Pie" where this guy gets obsessed with the letter 3.14. Over and over he finds this number everywhere I assume like the number 23 movie. My transformation has been one where I find the number "Jesus" in everything I see and look. I basically feel like I have been given this wisdom of understanding of how God uses things in our life to point to him. The "big" Idea behind the bottleneck Idea is that more often than not once my pride is set aside I can see God relating to me in a most peculiar way. Just by observing things people say and do and the nature around me I see many different examples of how God is working and how everything echos his perfectly sculpted timing . I also feel like week by week I have been given some words and I will attempt to blog those words as they come. Oddly enough my current word is "Broken". My hope is that the Ideas exspressed here don't lose their passion inside of me because I have simply wrote them down, typically this can seem to happen, its almost as if you tell 10 people a story and then your done telling that story due to lack of interest in yourself it being repetitious or just because enough people have heard it for me to feel satisfied with my telling of the story.