Reassurance

Reassurance seems to be somewhat like an addiction to me. When I was younger I was always worried that I wasn't doing something right, especially in school. I remember my 7Th grade Science teacher taking me aside and telling me I worry to much. Over the years this only developed and has given me a driven motivation to to have knowledge. Unfortunately that worry led me down some bad paths and created some bad habits. We are to live by faith not by knowing, this is so important. I have to have faith that people love me I have to have faith that God knows what he is doing and is "All powerful". When I worry it is as if I am saying God doesn't have things in control it is a point of weakness in my faith. Reassurance plays a big role here because I have asked people and tried to relate to them with certain subjects so that I could feel reassured that this is the way life works and I find my answer and tell myself "I know" now I have knowledge of this now. Not to be confused with wisdom. Later that knowledge changed and I was back to square one trying to get reassurance for my new knowledge. This process is tiring and only leaves me with a broken and separated feeling from people because I can never get enough reassurance all I want is more, more more more. This loop of toil and pain and confusion leads me to faith. If I have faith that things work this way and that I mysteriously feel 100 percent reassured and the worry is gone the belief takes over and I think the truth in trust is righteous and good and so it takes over and washes the worries away, and that, brings us one step closer to Jesus.