Alone

Alone or Lonely, I am pretty sure everyone knows this word quite well. I don't know why this word has sprung into my life. Sometimes I think that the word or feeling is the word "meaningless." I will stick with Lonely for now. I was thinking about why God made us to eat food and get energy this way. As most of you know I have had a weird food thing for the past few years and my perspective on the subject has been quite skewed. Through a partial Revelation yesterday I think I truly understand a few very positive aspects of working for food and having to eat as often as we do. I really struggled with why God created us this way and in part still do. Questions like, why did God design us to grow the way we do? Why all the eating and processing? Why couldn't we just drink water or some thing like water that has everything in it that we need to grow? It would be abundant and easy to store and maybe only drink like once a day. Eating really is so time consuming. Then I came to feeling alone, or lonely. I thought if I could survive without food I could just go read and sleep and read and sleep or travel and sleep. Or I could just work on a project without interruption. I imagine a painter who doesn't have to put down his brush to go to the bathroom or fill is stomach. I imagine how much work he could get done and how.... you could get to a place where you are completely... and utterly....alone. Eating food keeps us together and in relationships. Working for our food provides even more relationships. If I were a farmer who sold goods from my farm. I would have to be unified enough with people and understanding enough to make the exchanges for money or other goods. It would cause me to get out, to interact with people and to join in community. Most jobs are like this and they teach us patients, love, and respect. As an artist I want to spend a lot of time alone making masterpiece after masterpiece but then I miss the very thing that I am making the masterpiece for. People, Relationships, community, they are all driven by Gods divine design of eating and growing. If it were not for this we would surely be alone. I think of times when I was a kid and I was bad and sent to my room. Heck I could have stayed in their forever if I had my magic nutrient drinking tap water but, I had to eat. Even now in this day and age I have to go to places that have food and mildly interact with people enough that I am on the shallowest level in community with them but I also have to be skilled enough socially to stay employed. I am convinced the community is balance from the need to work for food.

I can't help noticing all of the good things that God has created that I can't see. I drive around constantly alone especially on lunch and I have to remind myself that I am not alone even with cars and people walking everywhere. I have to think of my little pretend satellite that sees the world and its massiveness from a different perspective. Before, I used to feel so detached and alone and confused. Since Jesus came into my life I no longer feel empty emotion of loneliness. I am technically, physically alone but, I know God is there and always has been .
Now when I sin I feel alone, or separated from Jesus as if I was playing a video game and I was near the end and my sin my imperfection caused me to fall back a few levels further away from the end where Jesus is. This is bad theology because you are never alone and we don't get to have a relationship with God because of something we do but sometimes it feels that way.

My feeling of loneliness is usually like I said before accompanied by a feeling of guilt for a particular sin. In my mind the only way to not feel that way is to be forgiven by God repent of your sin and feel the affects of forgiveness wash away the loneliness. This loneliness leads us to Jesus and thanks to our Dads design we join in community with him and with others and feel that unconditional love we so long for.